You can never underestimate the power of building teacher-student relationships. It serves as the basis for everything related to building classroom community, developing healthy relationships with students, and classroom management. Think about your own personal and professional relationships. I bet you can agree that you are your best for people you like and respect. You probably are even better than your best for people you love or feel appreciated by. Without a doubt, relationships matter, and building them is important, especially in the classroom.

As an elementary teacher, I found it easy to build relationships because I taught the same students all day, all year. We played, laughed, worked, learned, and grew together as a team, and as a family. I greeted my students each day as they arrived and saw them off in the afternoon. Morning Meeting was a meaningful part of our morning routine and definitely helped build our classroom community and our relationships.

But in my current role as an assigned coach in middle and high school, these teachers have about 125 students arriving from period to period within 3 minutes apart. I can tell that it’s not as easy to develop and nurture those student-teacher relationships. So I wanted to think of something these teachers could do every day to get to know their students at the beginning of the year to launch the development of those healthy relationships. I encouraged teachers to stand at/by the door to greet each student as they enter. Say “hello or good morning” using the student’s name and compliment students, “Hey, I’ve noticed you worked really hard on your assignment, great job yesterday.” “Cool haircut, Joe!”  I recommend doing the same at dismissal. “Great thinking today, Sue. Keep it up!” “Awesome participation today, Sam! See you tomorrow.” Acknowledging students by their name and saying something positive helps build healthy relationships, even if it’s just 10 students per period, each day. For more on this idea and why it works, here’s another read,  Welcoming Students With a Smile.

And I love this video showing how this teacher starts her school day before students enter their classroom.

In addition, the Thoughtful Teacher Model, a classroom management model designed to transform the way teachers manage their students, suggests 3 steps to build and develop healthy student relationships.

 Be Strict Early

Thoughtful Teacher suggests being “very strict for the first 6 weeks of school.” The idea is to not befriend students but to rather establish an “appropriate level of respect.” “Over time, it’s easier to “loosen up” as opposed to becoming stricter.” While some frown upon the word strict, it’s really just a way of managing the class to gain respect and to teach and set the expectations right from the start. I’ve been called both strict and structured. Structured means something is arranged in a definite pattern of organization.  A classroom that is structured is very important in managing and organizing an effective classroom. Rules are in place that limit what kids can and cannot do to keep others safe but structure provides an organization and routine that produces an environment that is conducive for children to learn. A safe environment that is both strict and structured is a perfect balance.

 Get To Know Parents

Parents are the bridge between home and school so it’s vital to build relationships with them as well. Talk to your students’ parents, send home surveys, welcome them with open arms at Back to School night, communicate clearly and thoroughly, invite them into class and CALL them. “Historically, parents receive tons of negative phone calls” (Thoughtful Teacher), so surprise them with some positive ones. Then you can follow up with emails as needed. Just let them know that the doors of communication are always open. You and your students’ parents have to be a team when it comes to their child’s success in school so do your best to get to know them and build those relationships. Most parents will appreciate your effort and dedication to developing a relationship with them to support their child.

Invest in Students Who Misbehave

There is so much research that shows that students do not misbehave for no apparent reason. They do not want to make your life harder and do not come to school with an agenda to tick you off. Students misbehave for many reasons and I’m finding that out as a parent as well. ; ) For whatever reason the child may be acting out, chances are that if you build healthy relationships with students, you’ll see fewer negative behaviors. Children behave better for people they like and respect. In addition, invest some time with students who show negative behaviors like inviting them to have lunch with you or ask them to be your “special” helper. Turn that negative behavior into positive behavior. Kill them with kindness because that’s probably what they need.  And once you have a healthy relationship developed with both students and parents, you can all work on the negative behaviors together to support the child.

Yes, building and developing healthy relationships take time and effort. Sometimes it goes by the wayside because there is just not enough time in the day to do it all. But if teachers could reach about 10 students per period, that’s about 60 students per day, which means a middle or high school teacher could continuously develop healthy relationships with all of their students within one week. Long term, this investment will make a great return.

If you think that Thoughtful Teacher is for you because you need or want support in classroom management then reach out to your admin about the benefits of Thoughtful Teacher. Don’t be afraid to ask for support or to educate them! For more information visit www.thoughtfulteacher.org. If you have any questions, you can contact info@thoughtfulteacher.org.

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